Naki and I learned through trial and error that it works best for our family to pick pumpkins one week, and then actually do the carving a different week. It seems to help minimize conflict and stress, probably more for me than for them. I figure if I'm trying to create happy and pleasant memories, then I should figure out how to eliminate as much stress as possible. It has worked great for us, making each event much more enjoyable. Many years ago while I was teaching one of my piano students he mentioned their family tradition of traveling to this fantastic place where they take tractor rides through fruit orchards out to pumpkin patches where they get to hand pick their pumpkins. I was sold on the idea immediately, and with the exception of a couple years, we make our way there every October. This year the weather was PERFECT. Just perfect. It was one more way that I feel like Heavenly Father continues to bless my efforts. To those of you who don't know, I started school last fall. For reasons other than I am crazy, I enrolled in 16 credit hours. Trust me...I could've sat at my computer every minute of every day and still felt behind in my schoolwork. I found myself frustrated at times because I felt accountable to those whose scholarships I had won and to myself ultimately and struggled figuring out how to balance being mom and student. I knew that it was more important to make sure the girls knew they came first, always. Pictures do not do justice to the nonstop track of thoughts of what assignments were due and how behind I felt as well as how much sleep deprivation I was under, not to mention how many loads of laundry needed to be done or what I would pull out of my magic chef hat for dinner. I am glad to know that somehow that didn't show up on any of our faces, hopefully meaning that they weren't negatively affected by all of my stress and that the girls and I were still able to do the things that we love. The Monday afternoon that we headed out there was absolutely the ONLY day that worked with our insane schedule, and I felt so loved when it turned out to be such a gorgeous day. As for the pics, my apologies for all the pictures with black in the corners/edges. My shutter that is the cover for the lense of my camera was stepped on by some little lady's foot which resulted in some of the pieces of metal falling out and others left hanging in front of the lense. Arrgh. I still need to take that in to get fixed.































Here is a short video we caught that day. It was hilarious, looking at them all squeezed into this cute old truck...kinda like a clown car.

I am beyond behind in putting pictures on here, and this is the beginning of my attempt to catch up just for the sake of my journaling. Someday I will pay the huge expense to have both of my blogs, this one plus our old one on wordpress, printed. I want to make sure that when I do I have all of the pictures on there that show what we've been up to and what happy memories we were busy creating.

This year Halloween was crazy busy! It seems that each year there are more and more places that the girlies want to make sure we hit. We started out by heading up to the cemetery to Trick or Treat from the candy bucket we put on Naki's grave. Each week in October we'd head up there and refill it, imagining the visitors coming and sharing the treats we'd left. It was one of my favorite parts of Halloween, actually. It has become a happy place for us, believe it or not. One of these days I should video everyone piling out of the car and sprinting up to the top of the hill...it's truly adorable. After that we went to my sister's neighborhood. This part of the evening was by far the most relaxing because my adorable brother in law volunteered to take ALL of the kiddos around the neighborhood while I sat back and relaxed on their couch and visited with my sister as she handed out treats. After time kept ticking past, I started to worry for him! I realized that unlike last year, we didn't send him with a stroller or a wagon for the two littles he had in the group, and I hoped that everything was going okay for all. They showed up happy and chatty about all the fun they'd had, and Matt, the trooper, was carrying all the costume props and several candy buckets as well. What a great Uncle. Thanks Matt and Katie for a fun time!

(This picture I took before we devoured it. Our dinner angels, who have been bringing us dinner once a week since Naki died, brought this in October. Honestly, it's the first time I've seen the girls eat their vegetables so well just because they loved the skeleton so much. Thanks dinner angels!)














After the girls were finished there we trick or treated in our Ward boundaries, visited Grandma and Grandpa Maile's for a bit, and headed to our friends, The Baileys', home for the best jackpot ever. While we were there the girlies all got their pictures taken by Alan...I will try to post them next. They turned out awesome. Man, I just love those Baileys. If it weren't for them I don't know where we'd be living, since they helped us buy their house where we currently live. Ane loves them so much that as we were leaving she asked if she could just stay and chill with them for a while. We were just going to be heading out and pounding the pavement for some more treats which she was apparently done with, so we left her there and went to see some more friends in our neighborhood. I don't care for all the candy that Halloween brings. I'm not one of those people that tries to hit the neighborhoods that give out the best candy. Instead, I just love being in the areas that all of our friends are in so that we can see everyone. Many who know me know that I am not a Halloween enthusiast. But this whole idea of getting to see all of our friends dressed up being silly I could really get hooked on. Who knows...maybe one of these years I'll join in on the silliness. I stuck a pencil behind my ear and told the girls that I was a college student. :) Happy belated Halloween.

I've been wanting to complete the process of going private, but first needed to make a few comments. Several of you requested an invitation but did not leave an email! That makes it tricky for me. Also, I am running into an issue. When writing with a private status I am only allowed 100 followers and will reach that before I can complete all the invites. I don't know what to do about that! I hate that I have to go private, and will write about that once I have made the complete transition. I just don't want anyone to feel like I chose to not invite you when actually I would love for any person who genuinely cares for the well being of my little family to be able to follow us. Hmmm...not sure exactly what to do about that yet.

I am excited to be blogging again. I have found myself several times over the past several weeks starting to write in my head, which hasn't happened for a while. It's time. Sadly, when I've finally sat down to write, all those marvelous half-written posts have escaped me. So I am going to start jotting down the ideas that come to me while I am out...something I used to do.

I have had one thought cycling around in my head for some time, and wanted to throw it out there to hear back any of your thoughts or ideas on it. What do you think about pipe dreams and how the Lord feels about them? Something you really truly want to happen in your life, but the reality of it seems so improbable that you write it off as impossible. I have been thinking of this because I too, have a pipe dream. I'm keeping it quiet and not sharing, at least not right now. I think I hesitate to share it because I worry how it will be perceived. It is too precious to me and I don't want other's opinions about it to taint it's sacredness. I know why I value it, and that's enough. I don't need others to value it.

But here is my question. How do you approach the Lord in your prayers about your pipe dreams? Ultimately I try and pray for the ability to accept what the Lord has in store for my life and that whatever that may be, that I will learn to enjoy it and find happiness with it. I think the reason I do that is obvious, having experienced first hand a life altering experience that is not enjoyable or happy, although I am just beginning to see glimpses of a life that doesn't have to be forever a disappointment. :) I remember praying when the medical staff was working on Naki, and even then I knew that I should pray not that he would live, but rather that the Lord's will would be made known to me and that I would be able to live through it. I've heard some say that the Lord wants to bless you but is waiting for you to ask specifically for those blessings. I worry about asking for my specific dreams to be made a reality because what if I ask enough times and He finally lets me experience it, even though ultimately it isn't the best thing for me and the girls. I crave spiritual and emotional peace throughout all of this, and am so thrilled to admit that lately I feel it more than I thought I ever could at this point of my journey.

I would love to hear what you think about this, whether through a comment or a private email. Such a large part of my spiritual growth these last two years has come largely through listening to what others think and feel, and so I value anything you would like to share.

Time to go Private

I have thought for some time about whether or not I should take my blog private. Recently it has become apparent that the timing is right to do so. Please let me know if you would like an invite to follow us still by leaving a comment to this post. I have so many fun pics to post, I can't wait!

Finals

So...apparently this is what finals week looks like at my house.

And I'm too embarrassed to post a picture of the laundry room. Buuuuttt...I only have one left!! Yayyayyayyay!

(The only way I can post this is knowing that I've since cleaned it.)

Christmas

Shaving

I have so very much to say and to write. But I am in the last two weeks of my first semester back in school, and am seriously so close to insanity. I have planned to write during my three weeks off between semesters. But until then, I have to write here that last night I taught my two eldest to shave their legs. Craziness! When they start to be embarrassed to have their lower legs show during their dance class, that's when you know it's time to let them shave. They were pros, and were so cute about it. I wish I had recorded it, but I don't usually remember to do that. I seriously need a full time photographer and home video recorder just to help me catch all those moments. Either that or I need two more sets of hands plus an additional brain or two. :) My favorite part was when they couldn't stop rubbing their own legs and saying how smooooooth they felt. I love these moments, where they aren't so little anymore and we can communicate in a different way than when they were little. But I also resent them because it means that the time is approaching when they will all have grown and I will be truly alone. What will I do with myself then? *sigh* Oh well. It makes me so sad, that I just can't think about it. When I start going there and freaking out about it I start to have those irrational thoughts that maybe I'll get some terminal illness and die so that I won't have to live alone...then the guilt starts to set in because as much as I want to be with Naki I do NOT want to leave these girlies parentless. I want to help them and be with them for as long as I possibly can. So, ultimately what I try and do is trust in the Lord that he will continue to show me what I'm supposed to be doing day to day with my life. If I give my life to Him, then the odds are greater that I won't feel as alone as I would if I didn't.