Champions

It's surprises me every time, although by now I don't know why it does, when I encounter yet another champion of mine. I just simply cannot understand why my champions have decided to champion me...did I use the word "champion" a bit too much just then?

I don't feel like there is any possible way to describe in words the mental state I find myself in some days, although it's worth trying. There are mornings when I wake and feel like I'm living in a rerun, shocked all over again to not see my Baby laying there beside me. And then there are some mornings when I have too much running through my mind regarding the day ahead of me that I hardly notice it at all. And then there are the days where I feel the combination of the two. I feel a bit glazed over in my gaze, and feel almost robotic in my ability to continue to place one foot in front of the other. This morning as I was walking into the gym I thought, whew! I'm here...don't really want to be, but I'm here.

As I walked into the Cardio Cinema room I let my eyes adjust to the darkness for a minute. I was disappointed to find that all the treadmills were being used, and decided to use an elliptical machine in the row directly behind the treadmills. I figured I'd stay there working out and would be able to see when a treadmill became available. I was thrilled when only 5 minutes had passed. A girl on a treadmill almost directly in front of me stepped off of her machine and left the room. I knew it was imperative to act quickly. A couple of months ago I had planned the same machine-switching-manuever only to have someone move quicker than I did. By the time I'd gathered my belongings, grabbed a paper towel and spray to clean the machine, and walked over to the once available treadmill, someone had beat me to it. To add insult to injury when I turned around to return to my elliptical, it too had been swiped from under my feet. I was determined that would not be my experience THIS time. I had planned to not walk the long way around the back of the ellipticals and back around to the row of treadmills but would instead cut through straight to the row in front of me. I'd also thought ahead and had decided I would place my keys, phone, and water bottle on the treadmill and would THEN go get the papertowels and spray to clean it off. Such foresight, I know.

I made my move. I barely made it through without getting my head whacked by the moving arms of all the elliptical machines. I reached the treadmill in record time and lifted my hand to grab onto the arm of the treadmill. The glaze over my eyes was about to go sailing across the room, unable to stay a part of me, banished from fogging my view if only for a moment, because as I pulled myself up and onto the treadmill imagine my surprise to find it still on and running! Yes, it's true. I have now officially fallen off of a treadmill TWICE. And scraped more skin off in strange places, TWICE.

There were so many sounds happening in such quick succession, it's hard to figure out what order they happened in. The squeaking sound of my shoes, the thunking sound of my head and chest, the clang of something (I'm not sure what) hitting the ellipticals behind me, the air rushing out of my lungs, the sounds of the workout machines stopping around me, and finally the sweet and somewhat hesitantly shocked voices of people asking me if I was okay. And I'm not sure, but I think there were a couple of snickers and muffled guffaws as well. I felt more shock and humiliation than pain, truthfully. But I'm not sure they believed me when I told them I was fine because I stayed on the floor for quite some time...looking for my phone. That thing had quite the flight this morning. The last thing I wanted to do was go ask someone at the front desk to come in and turn all the lights on so I could locate it. As I gathered all of my far-flung possessions, I could hear the healthy whir of that traitorous treadmill. I already hate the dang things...do they really want to keep racking up notches in my book against them? I very carefully placed my feet, this time on the outside NON-MOVING portion of the machine and stepped up on it, and was surprised again to find that the person hadn't taken their ipod or phone with them...they weren't actually finished with their machine, and instead of pausing it had just left it running when they stepped off. So, feeling awfully foolish for being so focused on getting the machine I wanted and not noticing the numbers on the console were still moving, I awkwardly limped back around, this time not cutting through the rows of machines, and back to my quickly discarded elliptical.

The favorite part of the entire thing would have to be when the woman reentered the room and went back to her still running treadmill. You could just SEE everyone's heads in the room fall on her accusingly. She was absolutely clueless as to what had transpired, until my new champion, the man running on the machine beside hers, leaned over to fill her in on the last 3 minutes of drama she'd missed. I could hear him telling her that you're not supposed to leave your machine running! I honestly just wanted to leave and go home after my accident. But Man! Hearing your own words echo back to you is hard. I've told the girls over and over to not let stuff like that get to you. You fall, then get back up. That's all there is to it. It's only embarrassing if you're worried about what others are thinking of you. Those were the words I heard in my head, and so I finished my work out. Hey. At least I provided some people with a really good laugh. Even Naki got a good laugh out of it, I'm sure. If he's unaware of what transpired, because I'm not sure how much of what goes on down here they're aware of, I'll be sure to tell him when I see him.

As I was leaving the Cardio Cinema Room I was stopped by a dear dear dear friend, another Champion. We had just a brief conversation, but it brought me to tears. He conveyed to me the feelings of love that he, his wife, and his children have for our girls. I can't figure this out. This family in particular has had intimate involvement in the well being of our family for over 6 years now. I feel baffled at their ability to pour love on us in such a manner. Most of my confusion comes from feeling like it's not an equal relationship. I often expressed to Naki how frustrating it was to me that it felt like we were the takers in this particular friendship and never the givers. It still feels like that. Quite often some of our children aren't always respectful to them. When we're at their house some of my girls have been known to walk in their pantry and help themselves. Much to my frustration I struggle to get the girls to clean up the mess they make when they're there. And yet my Champion told me that any time, no matter what, if I ever needed anything all I had to do was call. I walked away this morning and felt such gratitude for having gone to the gym when I really would have loved to have been anywhere else. I guess you never know where you'll run into one of your Champions.