Six Maile Chix

I'm so backlogged with photos that I want and need to do posts for that I better get started on them. I will most likely repeat myself, saying or telling something that I already have. There's only so many brain cells left in this head of mine. But I wanted to give a shout out to Auntie Candy, my sis, for the time she spends cutting the hair of all of us Maile girls. There are quite a few of us, and she can zip through us like nothin, turnin out cuties everywhere she touches. When we were in Idaho over Spring Break in April, we set aside some much needed time for haircuts, and the girls had a blast. Thanks Davis Fam, for the pizza that was provided and the most excellent company. I could not believe how Harley, my niece, daughter of Elizabeth and Albert, just sat there on Liz's lap the entire night! Unbelievable, Harley.




















Everyone received trims, but Malia was the star of the night. She has been asking Naki and I for several years now to cut her hair short. We told her that we would love that, when she got a bit older and could take care of it all on her own. As much as that girl loves fashion, she loves even more to take any shortcut she can find. That doesn't work so good all the time, and we thought it best that she wait for a bit.

When she discovered that we'd be getting haircuts while we were visiting Idaho, she really, quite strongly, let me know her desire once again. This may seem like a simple thing to most, but for me it was quite complicated. Naki really wants his girlies to have long Polynesian hair. I really was fine either way. Now that he isn't here, I felt such pressure to make the appropriate decision and still be loyal to him as her father. I kept going back and forth in my mind, trying to figure out the right thing to do. I wanted to set a good precedent for all other requests that come my way, and felt that for some reason this particular request was quite important. I was reminded of something that our therapist mentioned to me about parenting that has forever changed the way I parent. He said that as a parent any time his kids make a request to him, he tries to say "Yes" as often as he possibly can. This way, when he actually says no, they more easily accept the "no" because of their understanding of the fact that he would say "Yes" if he could. He also mentioned that most of the time, when a parent says "No", it's because of the inconvenience it brings into their lives. That is totally me. I know that several times, when I've told the girls "no" about something, it's because of the inconvenience it brings into my life and my plans. Since then, I have really truly tried to say Yes as often as I possibly can.

I thought a lot about this new concept in regards to Malia's haircut request. I knew that I was worried about her ability to get ready on time every morning and the inconvenience that would bring into my already crunched morning routine. I also knew that Yes, Naki would most likely want Malia's hair to stay long, but he would also like his girls to never turn into teenagers, never leave home, and never look at a boy with stars in their eyes...all of which will inevitably happen. The fact of the matter was that I was here all alone to make this decision. I couldn't, as hard as I tried, make this decision with him. The decision belonged only to me. I alone would be the one dealing with her if she didn't get to do it, and I alone would be the one dealing with her if she did get to do it. As much as I wish he was here to do these things together, he isn't. It was time for me to make a tough parenting choice all on my own.

Of course, I said "yes".






It has been so rewarding to see her blossom with her new found independence of doing her own hair with her cute little blow dryer and flat iron. What an amazing thing...something so simple as a haircut had such potential to help this sweet girl, our Malia. She now, unprompted, rises every morning, hops in the shower, again unprompted, and gets her hair done in time to finish her morning chores before breakfast. Because it is important to her, it has motivated her in areas that we've been attempting to motivate her in for some time. I remember the many many times that after a frustrating morning of trying to get her to move, at ALL, I would turn to Naki and express to him my anxiety over the fact that Malia will never truly feel how much I love her, because I spend so much time nipping at her heels, trying to get her to do what she's supposed to. She likes to do things on her own time, just like her Daddy, which doesn't always work in my world. I like to think that even though I'm pretty confident Naki wouldn't have said "Yes", he's able to see the amazing ripple effect of my decision and is proud of me for going against what I know he would have wanted, as odd as that sounds. Those are some of my favorite memories of our marriage. The times when he would look at something I'd said or done that was not what he would have chosen, and was able to see the wisdom in my decisions and the lack of wisdom in what he would have chosen. Being on the receiving end of his approval feels like nothing else in the world. I bask in it. It is one of my most favorite feelings.

Thanks for the haircuts, Auntie Candy.