I need the number to a really good plumber...one that has one of those special camera thingies for your sewage pipes, if one of those cameras even exists. We've discovered that Eli has conflicted feelings about having Auntie Ginny here. You would never know it by her interactions with Gin, as she is super sweet and can't get enough of her...climbing on her, calling her name to get her attention, wanting to know her schedule, wanting special dates with her, etc etc. So imagine our surprise, Ginny's and mine, when on Saturday morning Ginny couldn't find her rubber bands, mini hair clips, and bobby pins to pull back her hair for the gym. I retraced anyone's footsteps that had taken them to her bathroom, and mentally landed on Eli having been the last person in Gin's bathroom. Our conversation went something like this:Mom: Eli? Did you see Ginny's hair things while you were in her bathroom this morning?
Eli: No...
Mom: Are you sure? Because you were the only one in there today...
Eli: No, Mom. I didn't see them.
Mom: Okay, Eli. But this is the last time I'm going to ask you, and then if I find out that you actually do know the answer you'll receive a punishment for your dishonesty.
Eli: Okay, Yes. I did see them.
Mom: Where?
Eli: I flushed them down the toilet...
Mom: You did what?!
And it only got better, or worse, depending how you look at it, from there. I was completely flabbergasted. Completely. This was a new one, even for us. I can understand the fascination with putting things down the toilet. Actually, while I was looking for a picture for this post, I read a story about a 4 year old (Eli's age) who accidentally flushed their one week old cocker spaniel puppy down the toilet, and it lived! It was rescued about 20 feet away from their house in the pipes. So I know it happens. I just couldn't figure out why she would do it, I guess. She had no ready explanation, and so I decided to think over it a bit to try to discover the best way to talk to her about it.
There are no more coincidences around here. Every behavior, and I mean every one, has a deep emotion connected to it. The somewhat difficult part of watching the kids grieve is that the emotion and the behavior or almost never compatible. You would never link them together as a cause and effect. Shortly after, Ginny approached me and told me that she had just found her toothbrush and her foot scrubber submerged, having somehow miraculously escaped what had been the hair stuffs demise. Later that afternoon, Ginny came to me again...more bad news. She could no longer find her tweezers that she'd had SINCE HIGH SCHOOL! and one of her expensive makeup brushes. All right, Eli. Enough's enough. With each missing item, I asked her if she knew anything about them. She of course answered that she did not. I think at this point she is feeling like I have several times.
What. Have. I. Done!
You know...that feeling where you act out of impulse and then know within seconds that it was an awful choice on your part that is SO painful to rectify.
So. I sat down with her privately. Again, our conversation was very very similar to the one we'd had in the morning. Except this time, I asked her to list for me exactly what she'd flushed. She successfully listed all the items that Ginny had noticed missing. We're hoping there aren't any more. How much can fit in those pipes anyway! In these parenting moments I have learned to completely tune in to any and all promptings that come my way. This type of parenting situation is not my forte...it's Naki's. He is so gifted at working with people, helping them admit their weaknesses, and then guiding them in such a gentle way towards bettering themselves that they hardly realize what they've committed to. Me...not so gentle. I felt prompted to tread lightly with this one, and am glad I did. After a couple of seconds of conversation, she slowly dipped her head down, shed a tear, and said that she wanted her Daddy here, not her Auntie Ginny. Her little flushing episodes were her little fists balled up, shaking in rebellion at anything and anyone who in her mind interferes with where she believes her Dad's infuence should be.
I know that this came as a real blow to Ginny...she's never received anything from Eli but complete adoration! And still does. If we hadn't witnessed those items still floating or those that weren't as lucky, we'd never have had any idea at all that she even felt that way. And so even though it was very very painful for all three of us, I'm glad it happened. It's given me the opportunity to understand our little Eli's pain just a bit more, and I now have more insight to her little heart. Gin, hold on to your cell phone, just in case.
