Six Maile Chix

Ginny and I watched a new television series called Who Do You Think You Are last night, two separate episodes. Ironic, I know, since I just wrote the other day about how there isn't anything on television that keeps my attention these days. But this show strikes something within me...the connection between us and our dead loved ones seems so close and strong after years of feeling such an abstract connection to my ancestors. It's easy to see why I'm interested...wanting to connect with my deceased family members. I replay over and over many different scenarios in my head of my highly anticipated reunion with my loved one. After watching this show the reality of how closely tied we are to those who seem so long gone has struck me strongly. I would like to be able to know the names and what my connection to them is of my family members that I will get to meet someday. We are connected. I need to get started on my family history.

One of the episodes traced someone's slave ancestors through Alabama, Virginia, and eventually back to Africa. The other episode traced someone's Jewish ancestors back to Poland. It was so difficult and heartwrenching to somewhat relive the history of two separate eras filled with such hate and discrimination. The horrific treatment of the Jews by the Nazis and the slaves by their owners was thought provoking and Ginny and I questioned how humans could treat other humans with such lack of honor and just basic respect. We reached some conclusions, the main idea being that in both situations people were able to motivate other people to act in a manner previously inconsistent with their nature by instilling fear in them. Their reasons for fear may differ, but fear is often the base emotion that brings out the devilish thoughts and actions in humans.

Today my therapist and I were discussing a sweet boy who was born with a physical defect and about how he is beginning to experience a bit of teasing from other children. "Why does that happen? Why do children do that to other children? In what way could they possibly benefit from picking on another boy or child that has done nothing to them but be different?", I asked him.

"Fear", was his response.

All the puzzle pieces fit smoothly and true in position in my mind and heart as a bigger understanding within me began to emerge. I could see the truth in his answer. We all do things that we wish we could redo...whether it was act under peer pressure for fear of not being accepted, not apply for a job for fear of rejection, not try something hard for fear of not finishing, not speak up or stand up for fear of looking foolish, the list can go on and on.

He then proceeded to tell me to prepare myself. The girls, even though they don't have a physical defect, would experience these fear-filled reactions from others throughout their lives due to their societal defect of their Dad being dead. He explained to me the importance of teaching them how to diffuse people's fear. "Fear?", I questioned. He explained that people oftentimes feel fearful at what they do not know or what they do not understand. There will be times when discussions will occur that include the girls, only to turn to a topic that others will not know how to handle, topics that in any way have anything to do with their Dad. It could be something as simple as someone stating something that their Dad told them yesterday, or someone talking about what their Dad's job is, or perhaps about their Dad's birthday. Suddenly they will realize the topic and will fear what the right action on their part should be. It can happen with teacher peers as well, or even family. It can sometimes result in the girls feeling isolated by others because they don't know how to handle the situation. The girlies need to be confident in telling those around them that it's okay, even though their Dad is dead he's still their Dad. And they don't mind talking about Dads at all!

Today I received some information in the mail that I'd been waiting for. You can send in a written and notarized request to the Medical Examiner's Office for a detailed report on the autopsy. I did that, and finally received said report today. I was so disappointed to find nothing in there that cleared anything up at all. As a result of reading about autopsy happenings combined with not learning anything new, I found myself today emotional and short with those around me. Not a good combination to add into my already cocktail mixture of maxxed out emotions. And then, in addition to that, I knew that this afternoon was the only available day to go around and pass out the invitations to Ane's Luau Birthday party.

This may seem insignificant to some of you, but it holds huge significance for me. Naki and the girlies and I always did this together for each of the girlies' 1st Birthday Luaus. It was such fun. He would organize the list of all the different addresses, making sure that we wouldn't have to backtrack anywhere, and then we'd get at it, leaving the side doors of the minivan open as one girlie after another would hop out of the car and run up to a house to tape the invite on their door, and would return to the car as another girlie was hopping out for their turn. Today we were almost finished and I thought we were doing grandly at our normally 1 hour project that had taken me and the girlies 2 hours to complete. But we'd done it! and had experienced lots of giggles in the process. I should know better than to count my chickens before they hatch... We were approaching two friends whose houses are across the street from each other. They were actually outside with their children, playing and working. It was Lose's friend's house, and in her excitement to deliver the invite she leaped from the car while I was still driving, ending up in an eventual face-plant on the asphalt. This has NEVER happened before and of course it was Lose it happened to. Uuugh. But, we triumphed! We completed our task, and are so excited to be able to get together and celebrate our precious Ane-Boo. I can't figure out why I can't get the invite to load up on here tonight...I'm a bit wasted and will try again tomorrow.

Love you all...