Sending love to all you Sacrificing Fashion-Conscious Mothers

This may seem a strange thing to post about. But as I was driving children around earlier this week to their various destinations, I had a thought come to me so strongly that I wrote it down to blog about.

Some men and women don't have much concern for fashion, new things, or fancy shoes. But I do, and Naki does. Since we became parents early in our marriage while we were still students trying to buy our first place and be smart about any debt we accrued, it was impossible to please that part of our personalities. I've wished many a time that I didn't care about those things. Living in oblivion to them would feel so much better, so much less of an awareness. But it wasn't for me.

It was difficult to wear the same pair of jeans day in and day out. It was uncomfortable for me to know that I was out of mascara and couldn't buy any for some time...just did not fit into the budget. It was frustrating for me to not look on the outside the way I felt on the inside. I wanted to feel close to the Savior and my Heavenly Father and knew that by complaining, if only in my head and heart, about the things I so badly wanted and could not have, it distanced me from them. Seeing others who had what I wanted brought out feelings of jealousy and envy that I have over time learned to dismiss from my mind.

I quickly learned to look at people for what was on the inside and not the outside, since I wanted people to see me the same way. Naki and I attempted for years to put Him first, to put my children and each other first. I discovered that having to sacrifice taught me so many more things than just being able to have what I wanted immediately could ever have taught me. I know...I see the parallel in my current circumstances, even if it's a bit begrudgingly.

As I was driving along on that day earlier this week, I glanced down at a new pair of sneakers I was wearing that were a steal on Ebay, and thought how grateful I was to be able to do that occassionally now...buy something that I never would have been able to before. It brought to my mind and heart an awareness for all of you sweet Mothers, and even Fathers, out there who are in the same situation I was before, and wanted you all to know that I think of you and admire you for your wise and prudent choices to sacrifice your desires for things that truly matter.

Stubble

Most nights and mornings I go to bed and wake up with no aches for Naki...I'm usually so exhausted I fall asleep as soon as my face hits my pillow. By aches I mean no physical aches, like wanting to feel him beside me in the middle of the night, feel his hand rub my arm when he eventually came to bed, feel him give me a kiss in my sleep, sleep with his hand resting on my hip, or feel his feet rub over the tops of mine while we sleep. But last night I just could not fall asleep. The actual physical loss and sensory ache of wanting to rest my cheek on the rise of his massive chest, feeling his stubble at the end of the day on my face, was too much for me to handle. I guess I was due for a really good cry, and trust me, I got one. I slept eventually, with the hope that when I woke it would have left me. No such luck. Can't I just have it back? I want it back so badly right now. Not when I see him when I die. I'm totally banking on the fact that we get to cuddle as immortals. So all you married ladies, cuddle up to your hubby tonight and don't take a single second of it for granted.