We were sitting around the counter in the kitchen tonight eating yummy treats that Aunt Ginny had made with the help of the girlies from a recipe their Auntie Jackie had posted on her cooking blog. Everyone was goofing around, trying to get extra messy because Auntie Ginny had her camera out. Out of the blue, Lose shouts out,
"I call dibbs on coming out of the clouds with Dad first!"
A comment like that can leave a lady a bit taken aback. So I asked her, "What do you mean, Lose?"
And she responded, "You know, when we get resurrected and come out of the clouds with Dad and Jesus at the Second Coming...I call dibbs on coming out of the clouds first with them."
Well, at least she's finding a way to put a positive spin on it. Apparently, we have a tiche of clarification as to the order of some things, but at least she has a goal to be with the two best people possible at the most important event to come.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Today has been hard for me. Some days are just like that, with no specific reason that stands out from any other day. I know that a huge part of it is the fact that I am having to use his phone. Since my phone isn't working, I had my number switched to his phone so I wouldn't have to buy a new one, and quite possibly just until I check into the insurance coverage I had on my phone. Let me tell you, you wouldn't believe the number of alarms that were going off on top of each other once I put his battery back in his phone. That boy loves so many of you. There were reminders in there to call some of you, wish you happy birthday, happy anniversary, or just to check on you. Then to hear all the different ring tones coming in whenever it would ring was killing me, too. The girls think it's fun to see Dad's phone out again being used, and I just think it's painful. In addition to his phone, I had therapy today. Eva and I go in every Wednesday morning and it has been so fantastic to be able to talk without inhibition to my therapist. But today, even though the info was helpful and I'm better for having been able to express some of my thoughts, it brought me mentally to that place where I can't stop thinking about him. Seriously...this is silly. When I went to pick up the girls from their Grandma's and Grandpa's, I noticed his Mom's legs, specifically the outside of her calf, and thought "Oh! Naki's muscle in his leg moves like that when he would hardly even move his leg...I want to see his muscle in his leg move again, right now." I want this merry-go-round in my head to just stop spinning. Somedays it seems so easy to just focus one day at a time, and others I just can't seem to stop thinking about being without him until I die. I miss him tonight so painfully that I actually feel nauseous in my tummy...haven't really felt that since the first week he died. Good news is, sweets only make it worse. I guess that's a plus. But the crying is only messing with my already messed up sinuses..not sure if it's a cold, or allergies, or what. But enough already! I just want to breath through my nose again someday soon.
So, to help with my pain, tonight I want to write. I've been keeping a running list about each child, whether it's what they're doing these days or funny things they've said.
Emeline:
This girl is a doll. She really is. Her tendency to obsess and stress over anything is exhausting for me as her Mom, but her obsessing is also her biggest strength. Because she thinks on, over, through, and in between everything, she's super responsible, extremely aware, and just plain sweet. Therapy for her has continued to help, especially since we started having the girls seen one at a time instead of in a group. Line has struggled with feelings of anxiousness and also has started showing symptoms of OCD. Her little hands, up her wrists, and to the middle of her forearms are SO chapped because she just cannot stop washing her hands. That's not the only thing she uses her OCD with to feel control in her life. But she's working in therapy to learn defense mechanisms and tactics against those thoughts and impulses. She's made a list of things she can do instead of feel anxious, and we're seeing small signs of progress. She is such a dramatic girl, and worries far too much for my taste. And over EVERYTHING. I told her I just want to see her little face exuding happiness more than it exudes stress and anxiety. My friend told me a Helen Keller quote that I told Line. I'm sure I won't state it perfectly, but the concept is that you have to produce happiness in order to consume it. Line wants to have happiness, but hasn't contributed her fair share these days. And I've learned that it most definitely has to be produced from within yourself. No one can manufacture that for you.
I've found myself in completely uncharted territory with things that involve training bras, highly anticipated playdates with a friend of hers that's a boy, confessions to a boy about who she "like-likes", and other such nonsense. That's right. Naki and I are gonna go a coupla rounds for sure when I see him next.
Sure love this angel of mine. She has an affliction that I had, and still have, that comes from reading words that we've never heard pronounced and then trying to use them in conversations only to mispronounce them. It is extremely entertaining to me, and consistently frustrating for her. Tonight she had a zinger. We were discussing her overall disappointment with school lunches, to which she very enthusiastically informed me, "Well, the day I'm looking forward to is the 15th...when they're serving a dell-eye sandwich and a cinammon roll..." Apparently, we don't use the word "deli" too often anymore. We use the words "Subway Sandwich" around here instead. I was dying!
Anamalia:
Malia was sent here to teach me. She does it consistently, whether by her example of true love for people or whether by the choices she makes that cause me to count to 10 and search inside of myself for additional patience. The therapists told me that it was a close tie between her and Lose for the two that didn't want to open up the most at therapy. They also tell me that she'll take herself out of an activity that would require her to face the emotions it involves rather than deal with those feelings. Malia makes me want to cuddle her and just hold her close because she doesn't say what she feels. Because she doesn't, it eventually erupts out of her. She doesn't like the way that feels, but hasn't figured out yet that it's actually healthy to work with it a piece at a time. But she'll get there.
Malia is an incredible sister. Here are just some things that I've noticed her doing over the last little while. I kept finding these sticky notes with random words written on them all over the floor by her and Eli's seats in the car. When I asked her about them, she told me that she's teaching Eli to read whenever we drive somewhere. She writes a word down for Eli, and then works with her on it, pronouncing it and writing it, until Eli can do it all by herself. For those of you who don't know, Malia didn't jump into learning her letters or reading AT ALL. I would do our alphabet puzzle with her over and over, and she still couldn't tell me which letter was which for the longest time. But when she decided SHE wanted to learn them, she did. And so I find it especially sweet that she is teaching Eli...just so sweet. I will find Malia set up with one of her sisters, "doing" their hair for them. This involves getting it all wet, brushing it, and then creatively styling it. Words don't do justice to this girls' creativity. But I will say that she manages to give people bangs who didn't have bangs before she started with them, and she doesn't do any cutting...she uses the ends of their long hair to come back up and over their head and end up with ends at the right length for where she wants the bangs to end. It sounds weird, but it looks surprisingly good! She always finds a way to help whomever's hair she's working on to feel beautiful when she's done. Now, that's a gift.
Malia is learning that to be a good sister is more important than being a good friend to someone who isn't your sister...sounds shifty maybe to some of you, but what I mean is that she's learning that her sister's secrets should be safe with her. Her sister should feel that she can trust Malia with her innermost secrets, say, her current boy-crush. Malia now knows that when you swear to keep something secret, that actually means secret. She is discovering about herself that it is very VERY hard to keep a secret. :) I know how it feels, girl. She's also discovering the benefits of choosing to be a leader instead of a follower. It's been painful to watch her want so badly to want to be someone's friend to the point of tagging along behind them, waiting to be noticed. And yet because of her generous heart and the way she gives unconditionally to those around her, she fails to notice those tagging along behind her, waiting to be noticed by her. She's been thrilled to be able to come and give me exciting updates on deciding to go ahead and do her own thing only to have those she was tagging along behind choose to come and see what she's up to. There truly is peace to be found in liking yourself no matter how others act towards you.
For Christmas Malia, Line, and Lose got LeapFrog Didjs, handheld educational toys. Eli and Eva got LeapFrog Leapsters, also handheld educational toys but ones that are geared to the younger crowd. Eli consistently is found secluded in a closet, under a table, or behind a couch with one of the big girls' Didjs. She REALLY really wanted one. Remember that feeling of wanting to be bigger? So guess what Malia did. Uh-huh. She gave hers to Eli. Just gave it to her. Lucky for her, I had found an extremely discounted one that I'd ordered for Eli that was already on it's way and just gave it to her instead of Eli. What 8 year old does that? This girl is so beautiful, inside and out.
I feel a bit better now. Thinking about these angels of mine is always therapeutic. I feel drained and tired now, and will write some more on the other girlies hopefully tomorrow.
So, to help with my pain, tonight I want to write. I've been keeping a running list about each child, whether it's what they're doing these days or funny things they've said.
Emeline:
This girl is a doll. She really is. Her tendency to obsess and stress over anything is exhausting for me as her Mom, but her obsessing is also her biggest strength. Because she thinks on, over, through, and in between everything, she's super responsible, extremely aware, and just plain sweet. Therapy for her has continued to help, especially since we started having the girls seen one at a time instead of in a group. Line has struggled with feelings of anxiousness and also has started showing symptoms of OCD. Her little hands, up her wrists, and to the middle of her forearms are SO chapped because she just cannot stop washing her hands. That's not the only thing she uses her OCD with to feel control in her life. But she's working in therapy to learn defense mechanisms and tactics against those thoughts and impulses. She's made a list of things she can do instead of feel anxious, and we're seeing small signs of progress. She is such a dramatic girl, and worries far too much for my taste. And over EVERYTHING. I told her I just want to see her little face exuding happiness more than it exudes stress and anxiety. My friend told me a Helen Keller quote that I told Line. I'm sure I won't state it perfectly, but the concept is that you have to produce happiness in order to consume it. Line wants to have happiness, but hasn't contributed her fair share these days. And I've learned that it most definitely has to be produced from within yourself. No one can manufacture that for you.
I've found myself in completely uncharted territory with things that involve training bras, highly anticipated playdates with a friend of hers that's a boy, confessions to a boy about who she "like-likes", and other such nonsense. That's right. Naki and I are gonna go a coupla rounds for sure when I see him next.
Sure love this angel of mine. She has an affliction that I had, and still have, that comes from reading words that we've never heard pronounced and then trying to use them in conversations only to mispronounce them. It is extremely entertaining to me, and consistently frustrating for her. Tonight she had a zinger. We were discussing her overall disappointment with school lunches, to which she very enthusiastically informed me, "Well, the day I'm looking forward to is the 15th...when they're serving a dell-eye sandwich and a cinammon roll..." Apparently, we don't use the word "deli" too often anymore. We use the words "Subway Sandwich" around here instead. I was dying!
Anamalia:
Malia was sent here to teach me. She does it consistently, whether by her example of true love for people or whether by the choices she makes that cause me to count to 10 and search inside of myself for additional patience. The therapists told me that it was a close tie between her and Lose for the two that didn't want to open up the most at therapy. They also tell me that she'll take herself out of an activity that would require her to face the emotions it involves rather than deal with those feelings. Malia makes me want to cuddle her and just hold her close because she doesn't say what she feels. Because she doesn't, it eventually erupts out of her. She doesn't like the way that feels, but hasn't figured out yet that it's actually healthy to work with it a piece at a time. But she'll get there.
Malia is an incredible sister. Here are just some things that I've noticed her doing over the last little while. I kept finding these sticky notes with random words written on them all over the floor by her and Eli's seats in the car. When I asked her about them, she told me that she's teaching Eli to read whenever we drive somewhere. She writes a word down for Eli, and then works with her on it, pronouncing it and writing it, until Eli can do it all by herself. For those of you who don't know, Malia didn't jump into learning her letters or reading AT ALL. I would do our alphabet puzzle with her over and over, and she still couldn't tell me which letter was which for the longest time. But when she decided SHE wanted to learn them, she did. And so I find it especially sweet that she is teaching Eli...just so sweet. I will find Malia set up with one of her sisters, "doing" their hair for them. This involves getting it all wet, brushing it, and then creatively styling it. Words don't do justice to this girls' creativity. But I will say that she manages to give people bangs who didn't have bangs before she started with them, and she doesn't do any cutting...she uses the ends of their long hair to come back up and over their head and end up with ends at the right length for where she wants the bangs to end. It sounds weird, but it looks surprisingly good! She always finds a way to help whomever's hair she's working on to feel beautiful when she's done. Now, that's a gift.
Malia is learning that to be a good sister is more important than being a good friend to someone who isn't your sister...sounds shifty maybe to some of you, but what I mean is that she's learning that her sister's secrets should be safe with her. Her sister should feel that she can trust Malia with her innermost secrets, say, her current boy-crush. Malia now knows that when you swear to keep something secret, that actually means secret. She is discovering about herself that it is very VERY hard to keep a secret. :) I know how it feels, girl. She's also discovering the benefits of choosing to be a leader instead of a follower. It's been painful to watch her want so badly to want to be someone's friend to the point of tagging along behind them, waiting to be noticed. And yet because of her generous heart and the way she gives unconditionally to those around her, she fails to notice those tagging along behind her, waiting to be noticed by her. She's been thrilled to be able to come and give me exciting updates on deciding to go ahead and do her own thing only to have those she was tagging along behind choose to come and see what she's up to. There truly is peace to be found in liking yourself no matter how others act towards you.
For Christmas Malia, Line, and Lose got LeapFrog Didjs, handheld educational toys. Eli and Eva got LeapFrog Leapsters, also handheld educational toys but ones that are geared to the younger crowd. Eli consistently is found secluded in a closet, under a table, or behind a couch with one of the big girls' Didjs. She REALLY really wanted one. Remember that feeling of wanting to be bigger? So guess what Malia did. Uh-huh. She gave hers to Eli. Just gave it to her. Lucky for her, I had found an extremely discounted one that I'd ordered for Eli that was already on it's way and just gave it to her instead of Eli. What 8 year old does that? This girl is so beautiful, inside and out.
I feel a bit better now. Thinking about these angels of mine is always therapeutic. I feel drained and tired now, and will write some more on the other girlies hopefully tomorrow.
Hi.... it's me again
Hi, I'm Line, and I told my mom on Sunday that I wanted my own blog. I mean, she has one, my aunties have theirs, and I want mine. So, my mom told me to type a post on her blog, but still I feel uncomfortable because the last time I posted on my mom's blog was a couple of years ago when she asked me to post about my lateover with Kyra on her old blog, and,looking back on it, didn't do a very good job. I'm supposed to blog about something, and I've chosen to blog about yesterday. (Just so you know, as I type, I'm hoping I will do as well as my mom, so wish me luck!!!) Yesterday was Aria's birthday party, which was AWESOME!!!! They had a pinata which I was hoping to break myself, but, (sigh) I didn't. Boo. That's me, looking for spotlight. Another thing that they had was a bouncehouse..... children jumped for awhile, and then...... TROUBLE!!!!! Adults' turn!!!! When it was the women's turn, they were trying to shoot hoops.... For those that don't know, I'd like to be a photographer when I grow up, so, of course, I got a little practice..... I got a good three minute video. I wish I could get it on here, shoot. They also had a cool photo booth which, I'm telling you, I must have gotten a thousand pictures of. And, until we figure out how, they will remain unposted. (Those who weren't at the birthday party and didn't see them, I can tell you personally that they were HILARIOUS!!!!) There were fun games that we kids (and a few adults) could play. After you played the game, they gave you little money chips that you got to go spend at a prize table. (Kyra had an oragami station, Tiera had a face painting station) I got a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup pack, a Kitkat pack, and a Whoppers pack. (These were just a few items) Funny story..... I woke up on Sunday to find that ALL my Whoppers had been eaten. Did I mention that I put ALL my candy in MOM'S purse? Yep, it was guess-who. They are her favorites, and when I found them gone, I IMMEDIATELY guessed it was my mother. When I asked her about them, she said she thought either Auntie Mona or Auntie Misty had put it there because my Mom had told them that she had tried to convince Eva to pick them as a prize so she could eat them......... Ha-ha, mom. I wish I could say, Here's some pics!!! like my mom, but I don't really have any, so I'll finish saying, Happy Birthday, Aria!!!
P.S. I typed this originally the weekend of Aria's Birthday party, several weekends ago. I'm happy to report that very very soon, I will have my very own blog! It will most likely be private, and Mom isn't exactly sure how that works....but I am so excited!
P.S. I typed this originally the weekend of Aria's Birthday party, several weekends ago. I'm happy to report that very very soon, I will have my very own blog! It will most likely be private, and Mom isn't exactly sure how that works....but I am so excited!
True Personality
I realized how serious Eli's face was in that picture, and just had to post a couple others to show her TRUE personality.
Last Days for the Fundraiser
Hey all y'all. I just wanted to let everyone know that this is the last week to purchase tickets for our plate lunch Fundraiser. We are trying to sell all of our tickets and collect the monies for them by the 12th so we know exactly how much food to cook. So, if you wanted to support our Fireside Group now is the time! If you've already contacted me, thank you. Please email me at thamailez@yahoo.com to make arrangements for picking up your ticket. Also, I wanted to clarify that this is not an actual sit-down BBQ luncheon. The food will be packaged and ready for you to pick up...mmmmm. It's making me hungry just thinking about it!
Also, it seems my phone isn't in working order. Yesterday I had it in the pocket of my sweater when I jumped up to see where something was located in the cupboard above my fridge. Either I'm a shrimp, or those cupboards are REALLY tall! As a result of my extremely powerful jump, it fell out of my pocket, and hasn't worked since. So if I'm not returning your call, now you know why! I'll be working on that today hopefully.
I love you all, and hope you have a great day. Thought I'd put a picture up here of the beauty I get to stare at every day...
Also, it seems my phone isn't in working order. Yesterday I had it in the pocket of my sweater when I jumped up to see where something was located in the cupboard above my fridge. Either I'm a shrimp, or those cupboards are REALLY tall! As a result of my extremely powerful jump, it fell out of my pocket, and hasn't worked since. So if I'm not returning your call, now you know why! I'll be working on that today hopefully.
I love you all, and hope you have a great day. Thought I'd put a picture up here of the beauty I get to stare at every day...
Monday, March 8, 2010
Be Careful What You Pray For
As you can probably tell from my last post, I have an extreme desire to have some sort of communication and/or spiritual experience with Naki. I have prayed for it consistently since he died. I realized a little while ago that such an experience would be an overwhelming spiritual one in nature, and had the realization that I had better start preparing myself and begin working on my spirituality if I indeed expect to have such an experience.
I've also been simultaneously praying that if it would be good for the girls, that they too could have some sort of spiritual experience with their Dad. I completely trust God on both counts, that He knows what's best for all of us, but would really really love for them to have some such experience to draw upon at significant times in their lives when they desire to feel him close. I've especially prayed for the little ones, since they more than the other girls will have no memory of their Dad.
Lately, Ane has been saying "Dad!" or "Daddy!" with extreme enthusiasm, and then either pointing off or looking off in the distance as she continues to say his name over and over. I quickly look, trying to see with my spiritual eyes, what she must be seeing. It is making me exhausted and disappointed since I never see what she is obviously seeing. I began to feel discouraged in my efforts to be stronger spiritually until I realized that I would take this trade off any day. If I knew that she would get to see him instead of me, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I've also been simultaneously praying that if it would be good for the girls, that they too could have some sort of spiritual experience with their Dad. I completely trust God on both counts, that He knows what's best for all of us, but would really really love for them to have some such experience to draw upon at significant times in their lives when they desire to feel him close. I've especially prayed for the little ones, since they more than the other girls will have no memory of their Dad.
Lately, Ane has been saying "Dad!" or "Daddy!" with extreme enthusiasm, and then either pointing off or looking off in the distance as she continues to say his name over and over. I quickly look, trying to see with my spiritual eyes, what she must be seeing. It is making me exhausted and disappointed since I never see what she is obviously seeing. I began to feel discouraged in my efforts to be stronger spiritually until I realized that I would take this trade off any day. If I knew that she would get to see him instead of me, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Pests
Last week I had finally got the last babe to bed and was making my highly-anticipated way up to my own bed...my new bed, I might add. I can't remember what I've written on here, so I know that I'm running a risk of repeating myself. But while my Dad was staying with me he pulled all the paint that I was storing out of the garage, took a scrap piece of wood from the remodeling, and then painted a little swab of each can of paint on it. He was diligently going around the house getting everything in tip-top shape for me, and had decided to touch up all the nicks on the painted walls. I COMPLETELY steered him in the wrong direction, not intentionally, and pointed to the shade that I thought matched our bedroom...a light green. I then headed off to run errands, and returned home to find my bedroom armed and ready to go into battle...the walls were my old walls adorned with much darker green streaks and stripes and dots of war-paint. Yup...time to repaint. So, after getting the walls done I decided to follow through with Naki's and my plans to get new bedding...something we'd wanted to do for some time. I decided to get the new pillows and quilt and such but to leave the same sheets that we'd always had...something a bit nostalgic that reminds me of us that I can keep close to me. I'd only had my new bedding for about 2 days and was luuvving it. That night as I walked to my side of the bed to pull back the covers, I jumped back in horror because there were these little black bugs crawling ALL over the pillows. Upon closer inspection, I found TONS of them on the table beside my bed...they'd made the fateful hypnotizing flight up to the lightbulb of the lamp on that table, and had immediately paid the ultimate price and had fallen to their deathbed. I started to walk around the room, and found many many more...on both windowsills especially.
It. Was. Gross.
Completely Gross! I didn't know what to do, where the heck to start cleaning them up, and how to figure out where they'd come from! After a lot of whining to Ginny, and vacuuming up the dead bugs, I eventually found the culprit...the plant on the top of my dresser. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced those little black bugs coming from any of your houseplants, but they are pests! They remind me of fruit flies that appear when your bananas are too ripe in your fruit bowl. I moved the plant into my bathtub, and then over the next 24 hours would douse it REAL good with the spray that kills those guys. I just left the plant sitting in there, and was amazed and grossed out to see all the bugs crawling out of that thing and then dying on the bottom of my bathtub. I had to take a picture for all of your viewing pleasure. Keep in mind, that these bugs are pretty teeny...so the fact that you can see something on the bottom of the tub from a distance tells you how many there really were.
So tonight I figured they'd all died by now, and no more were coming out as I continued to spray the plant throughout the week. Lucky for me, they were all STUCK to the bottom of the tub. Yes, that's right. When all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and read, I was instead srubbing hundreds of bugs off the bottom of my tub.
Earlier in the afternoon, I got a couple of other pictures of a pest I actually like. I discovered that Ane knows where I keep the cereal...
I MUCH prefer this kind of pest, although she doesn't act so thrilled when I squirt her with a water bottle to make her behave.
It. Was. Gross.
Completely Gross! I didn't know what to do, where the heck to start cleaning them up, and how to figure out where they'd come from! After a lot of whining to Ginny, and vacuuming up the dead bugs, I eventually found the culprit...the plant on the top of my dresser. I don't know if any of you have ever experienced those little black bugs coming from any of your houseplants, but they are pests! They remind me of fruit flies that appear when your bananas are too ripe in your fruit bowl. I moved the plant into my bathtub, and then over the next 24 hours would douse it REAL good with the spray that kills those guys. I just left the plant sitting in there, and was amazed and grossed out to see all the bugs crawling out of that thing and then dying on the bottom of my bathtub. I had to take a picture for all of your viewing pleasure. Keep in mind, that these bugs are pretty teeny...so the fact that you can see something on the bottom of the tub from a distance tells you how many there really were.
So tonight I figured they'd all died by now, and no more were coming out as I continued to spray the plant throughout the week. Lucky for me, they were all STUCK to the bottom of the tub. Yes, that's right. When all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and read, I was instead srubbing hundreds of bugs off the bottom of my tub.
Earlier in the afternoon, I got a couple of other pictures of a pest I actually like. I discovered that Ane knows where I keep the cereal...
I MUCH prefer this kind of pest, although she doesn't act so thrilled when I squirt her with a water bottle to make her behave.
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