I have a new barometer that measures how I'm doing with the loss of my baby. His toothbrush. No, I'm not doing anything weird, like using it! I've noticed a pattern with my moods and his toothbrush. Some days I go to brush my teeth and while I'm brushing I look down at his sitting in the holder, just looking back at me and I think to myself, "You know, I think I'm almost ready to throw that away...it doesn't really need to be there...". Those are my good days...the ones that I hardly notice any difference in my ability to think straight. And then there are the days that while I'm brushing, I look down and think, "Throwing that away is so permanent. How could I have even considered tossing that thing? I could never...". Those are the days that all my unanswered questions and bitter attitude get in the way of everything else.
I bring this all up because the actual porcelain-like toothbrush holder was knocked down and a huge chunk was broken off of it while Naki was still alive. I'm still using it. But I was at Target getting the new dishes and kitchen rags when I saw the bathroom section. Without thinking I picked up a new toothbrush holder. Now, it's just sitting in the Target bag I brought it home in because I'm unable to make a decision about what to do when I move the toothbrushes from the old holder to the new one. Do I keep it or toss it? I think I'll keep it, just to be safe. This is ridiculous! Who knew that my ability to make decisions about something as simple as a toothbrush would be compromised?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Keep it, nothing wrong with holding on to it for a while longer.
ReplyDeleteWhat a tough decision. You always know best. You'll make the right choice for you whatever it is.
ReplyDeletei would keep it too. :)
ReplyDeleteKeep it keep it!
ReplyDeleteYou will know when it is time. There is nothing wrong with holding on to it. Happy New Year!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm a keeper and I would probably keep it forever-maybe not on the counter forever but you know, somewhere.
ReplyDeleteAwwwwwwwww, that is really sweet. I say that you can do whatever you want with that toothbrush and holder. Keep them. Toss them. Hide them in a box for six months and then see how you feel. Bronze them. Sleep with them under your pillow. Put them on your dresser. Anything you want is the right thing.
ReplyDeleteKeep it. Things like that stick out for a reason..... keep it :) My name is Amera Jarvis, I am Nick Jarvis' wife.....Nick and I brought over Nick's picture of Christ to you and your family in Dec. I was in the car because my kids were asleep in thier carseats :) I wish I could have met you and your girls though! Nick loved the experience he had with your family-he said you are all so beautiful and he came out of your home feeling so blessed to have met each one of you! If you dont remember him telling you, I do hair....If you and your girls ever need a haircut, i'd be HAPPY to help you..... It takes time to get back on your feet, so I'd be glad to give haircuts, if thats the least I can do. Honestly, no loss on my part, I love to help where I can and Im always always willing :) If your interested just leave a comment on my blog or email me at anjarvis06@hotmail.com and I can let you know where I work and times. Im very flexible and can work around what times are easiest wiht you and your family! Happy New year to you and your family!! Love you guys! Please dont hesitate to contact me, I just work down in springville, so not too far
ReplyDeleteAh...now I know how to get the daily Abby et.al. barometric readings...THE TOOTHBRUSH! Love, mom/gma
ReplyDeletePS...So very glad that you are blogging again...SO GLAD!!
I think keeping it depends on how looking at it makes you feel. If it makes you feel really bad..... If it invokes sweet memories.....
ReplyDeleteYes, keep it. No point in letting something like that go when you are not ready yet my dear.
ReplyDeleteyour not alone...it seems like i am not alone in agreeing. I know that I would probably keep it too, if I had to face the same situation. I would probably even go so far as to snuggle with it at night. :) We think of you often and pray that the spirit may continually lift you. your not alone.
ReplyDeleteI'm with the majority here. Keep it. I'd get yourself a nice big box for all things that COULD be thrown away but CAN'T be thrown away, if you know what I mean!
ReplyDelete