Monday, December 14, 2009
One More Loss...
I am aware that by admitting the following I may expose myself as even more neurotic than I already at times appear. Regardless, let it be known that since Naki's died I occassionally open his closet when I am alone and bury my face into his shirts and inhale for all I'm worth, just to try and connect with him. Today I was brought to tears when I discovered that I can barely barely make out that beautiful scent that is only his...(no jokes from his brothers, now!). You know what I mean. We all have our own unique identifying scent that is ours alone...no cologne or soap enhancements...just him. And today I sadly discovered that it's almost completely disappeared. I am DYING to just hug that big boy. Can't wait.
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Abby,
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing woman! We have never met but I read your blog. I cry every time I read your posts. You have such a way with words and I am truly amazed at your strength and love. Your family is amazing, please know that you are touching others lives more than you know. A group of strangers have come together, you should expect to receive 3 seperate packages over the next week or so. Be on the lookout! Merry Christmas!
OH, darn it! I'll confess that I TOTALLY guessed that you have been doing that. I absolutely know that I would be. I am so so so so sad that the scent has faded!!! I hoped it would last much longer.... like years or something.
ReplyDeleteI still have a jacket in my closet that was my husband's. I have never washed it and 5 years later I still try really hard to get a hint of his scent . I know it's not there, but I swear I can smell it just a little every once in a while. I love you Abby!
ReplyDeleteok so THIS is gonna REALLY sound neurotic, but it worked... if you want to try it, cut out the collar (even including the top few buttons) of a shirt, and put it in a ziploc bag- (you could do it with a few items in separate ziplocs). we tried this for a different reason a few years ago, and it's something that worked ... just a thought if you wanna try it ;)
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. That scent is irreplaceable.
ReplyDeleteIt does not go away at all for you its like a person being there in spirit! love, tim\uncle tim
ReplyDeleteI know you don't know me, but I cannot imagine what you are going thru!! I bawl my eyes out readin your blog. I'm so sorry for your loss, your blog gives me so much more appreciation for all that I have, THANK U!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I can really understand a dear relative of mine who is a widow too after reading your blog. I never could understand how she could abandon her children and make "crazy" decisions, and now I feel so much more patience and love towrads her. Thank you for hanging in there for your families sake. I can't even come close to understanding how incredibly difficult it is, but I know that your daily decisions will count for you, your husband, and each of your little princess angels. Your endurance counts more than we can ever understand. And your courage inspires us all. lots of love and gratitude to you!!!
ReplyDeleteI too, don't know you. I was turned onto your blog by a friend. I am in awe of you every time I read your blog. Though your wounds are extremely fresh, know that we all want you to know that there are lots of people out there that feel your pain and have felt it in the past. You are not alone. Smelling his shirts and having the scent fade, is something that made me cry because I remember doing it 12 years ago when my daughter died. The day that you can't smell them anymore makes it all the more real. I totally understand and want you to know that you in no way should feel crazy or alone. Please know that someday you will find peace with all of this and you will see years down the road how much you have grown from this huge trial that our Heavenly Father has given you. I am a 12 year survivor of a huge loss that will tell you, from experience, that time does heal wounds and though you will never forget him and always miss him, you will go on, for yourselves and your 6 beautiful daughters! I hope your holiday is bright!
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